When my husband passed away I thought I could no longer continue my weekly column. As the deadline approached I informed my editor that I wouldn’t be able to submit a column. I thought that he would tell me to take my time and resume writing when I was ready.
Instead Rene Bas informed me that he would put out a notice that my column would resume the following week.
I felt then that my editor was being insensitive—but later on I realized that he was right. I had to pull myself out of my self-pity and get back to productive life.
Cerge and I don’t have children, nor do I have immediate relatives here. In other words, all my years in the Philippines I’ve spent my time working and being of service to the community. I had no family responsibilities. This has changed. Suddenly I find myself having no time for my usual Kiwanis activities (I opened a new club in Ormoc City last January 13) and community service projects (the latest of which include the putting up of a playground in Munai, Lanao del Norte, and renovating a mosque in Mati City, Davao Oriental).
Commenting on the fact that Cerge and I were childless, a friend once said that we weren’t meant for family but community. True, one has more time and resources to serve community and country when one has no children to raise, no dependants to look after. Now I find myself so preoccupied with the needs and problems of the family—and myself—that I don’t have time for the world.
Cerge never knew his father; he died when Cerge was 11 months old. His mother remarried some years later and had eight children with her new husband. These eight half-siblings, the surviving siblings of Cerge’s mother, and some cousins are now my family and my responsibility. Cerge supported these relatives from the time he was old enough to work.
I believe that Cerge would have wanted me to look after the relatives. After all, I couldn’t have taken his place as press secretary—though admittedly, my having lost all my hair already is a big advantage. Friends tell me about the headlines of the newspapers and say that they are glad for Cerge that he is spared from the latest controversies.
Apropos my hair, many have asked about it. The answer can be found in my September 29, 2009 column. Cerge bought me the black knitted bonnet that I wore during the wake and burial. We found it in a hat shop in Chatham Road South in Hong Kong on his birthday on December 21 after attending Mass.
How many were killed in the earthquake in Haiti, a friend asked me. I couldn’t answer him as my mind is preoccupied with the education of the nieces and nephews, the medicines of the old aunts, the financial condition of a cousin, the lack of livelihood of a niece and so on. Not topics for an opinion column though interesting from a certain perspective.
Denmark, my country of birth, is a welfare state and the state takes care of the basic needs of the family and its individuals. This means that the family members do not depend on each other financially. The state provides. High taxes ensure the redistribution of wealth from the productive, earning and consuming public, to the vulnerable sectors: children, senior citizens, the sick, the unemployed, the disabled.
In the Philippines the family remains the main social safety net. The family member who is better off than his relatives, financially and in terms of influence, is expected to take care of the rest of them.
The welfare state is very expensive to finance and sustain and this is the main reason why it cannot work yet in the Philippines. Too many Filipinos are dependent on resource redistribution (for example children of school age) and too few contribute. The state, being unable to provide for the basic needs of all, must put its limited resources into helping families attain self-reliance, just as every family must plan and make provisions that will make it capable of standing on its own feet.